And one fine day, your name did not make me smile anymore.

So that day I realised I was never in love with you. I was deluded in the honeyed talks. Our awe for eachother was never laid on the foundation of truthfulness. But I don’t blame you wholly. For indeed I was equally a culprit.

Sure thing, falling in love is not a sin but being insincere is one.
We were not insincere towards one another rather we were insincere towards the One Who Created us and our feelings.

The closer I was to you, more the discomfort I felt. Your consoling hugs did make me feel butterflies in my stomach for a moment but deep down, I was still unsure.
And finally, a fissure in my heart resonated my conscience.

One end, it was you through this relationship and on the other end it was my Lord. Had it not been the guidance from my Lord I would have destroyed you more. I chose my Rabb.

It was hard for me. Day one without hearing your voice felt like an eternal trial. Temptations, feelings, memories and attachment invited me to have you again. That moment I realised, my nafs have made you my Ilah. In the name of love, I was actually worshipping you. From lying to our parents to secretly meeting TO PLEASE ONE ANOTHER against the Command of our Lord. If this is not worship, then what is ?
I was humiliating myself.

And of mankind are some who take (for worship) others besides Allah as rivals (to Allah). They love them as they love Allah. But those who believe, love Allah more (than anything else).

Surah Al-Baqara, Verse 165:

So one  day, your name did not make me smile anymore. Your words did not lure me anymore. Your memories did not break me anymore. Because at the end, I chose my Lord- The Rabb of mine and yours.